get lost in here

let me get lost in here
too long time of not being lost in something beautyfull
too long time of just being lost in myself
my head is not a nice place to be
if tears are the door I want them now
or if tears are the door-opener
too long time of running around totally lost
but lost in that calm way
like a leaf
or coffee
or smoke in the light of a strange lamp
or the clouds
"did you watch the clouds when you were a child?"
they asked
"why as a CHILD??"
I said
"I still do"
3 hours of hanging in the bus window and watching the clouds and feeling like there is some truth in them that nobody else will see and I need to look at it because it wil be important, oh yes....
send me a cloud that talks
or a plant that is all silent
show me a stone that was alive
and a tree that tells 5000 stories
maybe I just need to get out of vienna for 3 days to breath again?
I'm lying
all the time I'm lying
I know it's up to me
but I escape before I can act
I'm stupid oh so stupid
this time I really got to wake up